breathe

Camino del Sol

Flying against time feels like living against myself. I hardly can keep my head straight. Everything that composes me is in coma. My blood, my vessels, my brains, my organs, they all entered a phase of suppression.

It is the first time when I see the ocean. I always imagined seeing the ocean as a major accomplishment, like experiencing infinity.

Through the plane’s small round window, I can see endless blue waters surrounding us. A perfect opportunity to die. We won’t be dying alone, we will be a tribe in the air, people connected only by the plane’s number and the necessity to reach the same destination on the map of the world.

A piece of floating land in the middle of nowhere. My ultimate destination. A perfect unknown.

Breathe! Can you feel the salt in the air? Its smell? Its taste?

The first words I hear, once I put my foot on the ground while my eyes are covered by a pair of sand-smelling hands. Her voice remained unchanged in the ten years that faded away in between.

You must be hungry!

I see her hiding something behind her back, but I thought they were flowers. Exotic island flowers. They are bananas. Unusually small and strong smelling very yellow bananas.

I named the memory of her Butterfly. She was everything I was not. She was doing all the things I always wanted to do, but I never did. Maybe I lacked her way of courage. Or, maybe I was not so in love with life as she was.

You gave me one month of your life. I imagine you came to collect.

She said one morning while having breakfast, after days and days filled with me sleeping.

I never thought of it like this. I did not think of it at all. I just did not know where to go and what to do. It is also true that I never imagined ending up at your door. Not like this, anyway.

I must have scared her, I imagine.

Something changed her irreversible during all these years. I could not put my finger on it.

(Excerpt from Camino del Sol, the 1st fascicle – Lava Heart)

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