before sunrise

before morning
before morning

One who is still awake may have a lot of thoughts before sunrise. Or none.

You may  just pray at this early hour before morning or…

…if you have no force left in you for praying, you may light a cigar and you may listen people steps on cement while they are going to work, while they are hurrying up to catch the bus.

You may also listen the noisy morning birds or if you pay more attention, you can hear the lizards crawling in the bushes.

One old woman is passing by under my window and she seems very concerned about some fresh flowers she is holding in her hands. Why? What is the occasion? Maybe she is going to hospital to her daughter who just gave birth to a child, her grandchild. Who knows? At this hour…where she could go…here on this island…where almost everyone starts life after 10 a.m.?

I’ve just seen a film “Born Twice” related to Sarajevo war and featuring Penelope Cruz, one of my favourite actresses. I think I liked it. Cruel. Sad. Real. Unfortunately, very real.

I have 4 days left to come with a solution to type 2 diabetes patients problem – challenge related to the fact that these people have to inject themselves with insulin for the rest of their lives and because of fear and many other factors, many fail to do so and their health condition gets worse. This healthcare organization that launched the challenge is seeking solutions, methods, coaching programs, a smarter application, a mechanism…in order to engage all type 2 diabetes patients to succeed in overcoming their self-treatment challenge.

But I feel the organization put too much emphasis on diabetes, while I think the core problem is self-injection. It took me over 1 month to sort out the core problem as in my view, the project criteria are not so well framed. Not entirely, though by remaining stuck into diabetes area, one may focus on the wrong problem or not focus enough on the best solution.

I remembered about my worse health years when I had to self-inject in my veins a strong antibiotic and I faced exactly the same problems: fear, hesitation, sometimes even terror as it was very strong and I felt like fainting while doing it with no power left for calling the emergency. I delayed the injection and that was bad…as the time is very strict in these matters. Once, I also experienced anaphylactic shock while injecting ambulatory a new antibiotic , but I was lucky with the friend who did it that time – as she was head of intensive care at children hospital and knew what to do. That was a tough moment. That whole period was.

Anyway, the award is generous for the winning solution and the problem is very challenging. They’ll probably split it again between 2 or 3 chosen solutions, it happens more and more. The thought of this problem tortures me since I spotted it in the Challenge Center. I might submit a solution after all, still not sure. Sometimes, I start to develop one in the last day before deadline…or worse, in the last hours and then I am supersonic. I think I might be addicted to adrenaline more than I thought I was…because I do it on purpose.  So it’s hard to tell. Until this moment, over 400 people engaged in solving this problem – as usually,  competition is rough.

The sun is almost up. I am known as the Vampire among my foreign friends :) The last self-ironic remark on this topic, in a very nice chat with one of my scientists friends, was that I am a genetically modified vampire as I ended up loving  the sun – and when you think that I couldn’t even bare it. Something definitely happened. I was like marble and now I am almost like Michael Jackson before he turned white. What they don’t know is that I am Louis after he met Lestat or just Louis (from one of my favourite films Interview with a Vampire – Vampires Chronicles)

More people and cars are passing by under my window. The medical clinic under my apartment opened its doors and the first patients are already waiting in line. I dislike this feeling a lot. Waiting in line for someone to tell you how sick you are…or maybe not, you were lucky this time. But the fear is just there, you can’t escape it.

A close friend just emailed me: “did you ever feel to just leave all behind and just go…wherever your eyes see…somewhere…anywhere….with anyone or with no one…just to be yourself with all your fears and weaknesses …just to be the imperfect you?”

Is this question about freedom or about escaping? And if you escape a situation, does it automatically involve freedom?

Now the sun is upper. Blinding. That strong morning light. Street buzz is more intense. I have to wait for the little shop near my house to open. I need to buy water, coffee and something fresh to eat as there’s nothing left around.

A new friend, known and not known at the same time, just posted a new text on her blog – one of those blogs that I follow on a regular basis. I am going to end mine and start hers.

The new day escalated the sunrise and  covered the entire island. It’s …lovely.