We’re absolute beginners


We seem to be made from the same type of fibers and organic material…still, a lot separates and differentiates us. What we have in common are the eyes: yours are black, mine are blue. Ah…and a sort of tension and seriousness when we speak to each other. Did you notice that? I find it so sexy. It’s so arousing.

Well, this is another delusional flash from our future story. The same as the ones before – those that I started to write to you since we collided, I like to imagine it is real and mutual, but just not ready to be lived, yet.

This time we are at the airport. This airport. Where I am now.

It’s still spring, possibly the end of April or somewhere in May. You started to become more communicative with me and from one day to another we started to fall for each other. More. You, in fact…as I started a little earlier. I had to wait for you to catch up. You did. I feared you won’t. One day something happened, have no idea what…and you reacted unexpectedly…or better said, you reacted. Towards us as a possibility. Honestly, I didn’t dare to hope. “Is this happening?” – I wondered over and over and over again. I can’t remember such freshness and beauty. Is it because it never happened or because I’m too exhausted? I can’t tell. 

We decided that the best possible approach for us is for you to come here and have our first date on this magic land. My arguments were that we deserve a perfect and flawless memory in case we won’t end up with more than this. You agreed…and here we are now. Creating the perfect memory. Possibly the seed of one of the most beautiful love stories.

It’s 16.55 pm my time here. I’m two hours behind you. Your flight just landed. I couldn’t sleep at all, I’m very nervous…what shall I tell you? What if one of my inappropriate jokes will come up suddenly and uncontrolled because of my emotions? I am terrified. Of course, I came much earlier.

It’s 17.10 – 17.15. I think I saw you through the window. You found your luggage and you are heading towards the exit. Oh dear Lord, towards me. What am I going to do? I want to run away. To hide somewhere. What if you won’t like me as you hoped for? What if my speaking defects like the R and sometimes when I am tired also the S will turn you off? What if you think I’m too simple? Or too complicated? Or not attractive enough? Or not your dressing style? Or not your beauty style? Or not perfect enough? Or if you confuse my appearance with arrogance and you’ll feel to smash it or be brutal in some way? 

No, I wasn’t wrong. It is you who is coming. There are less than 50 meters between us and the glass doors in between. You have a particular way of walking and you look down on the floor. You probably are exhausted after the long trip and also …I don’t know. How are you?

I think that when the glass doors open and you show up, I’ll melt and dissolve instantly. It’s not that I am weak, because I am not…it’s these damn overwhelming emotions and the attraction and the first time in flash and bones…I have no idea what to do with them. I never did. I’ve always had issues expressing them correctly and other people seldom got me right.

I count your steps. 10…9…8…7…6…5…

you drop something, you pick it up…

4…3…

someone says something to you…you stop for a moment

everything is spinning around…

2….1…

You’re a vulture, exactly as I imagined. You spotted me instantly in the crowd and now I have to endure your black burning look for a few more steps until we get face to face. You are so confrontational. Move your eyes away from me! –  I talk to you in my head while I am not sure how my face looks like (Am I smiling? Am I looking dumb? Am I looking intimidating? Am I too serious?) You are not listening, on the contrary you are getting more intense as if you are challenging me. Are you trying to dominate me or it’s just your natural way to cover your emotions? 

Or is it because this is our last look as strangers? Hmm…you are right. I am firing back.

Blue and black. You are a statue. I am a statue. We are walking statues. I know what’s inside you and you know what’s inside me. It’s instinct and a kind of mutuality we offer each other naturally on some sort of secret channel that only you and me know about and perfectly understand.

Stop. There’s one millimeter left between you and me. We stay like this for moments. Just looking into each other. Everything else stops. All I can hear is our heart beats, slowed down breathing and how our hearts open. People might believe we are very weird…maybe we are. I am not sure what that means. Everybody’s weird around here, not that I’ve ever cared.

How do you drink your coffee?” I ask while I take over your suitcase and move slowly towards the cafe which is the first thing to see beyond the glass doors. I felt your hand for the first time…I picked up your scent…I can feel your inner movements…I hardly can think straight.

Black…just like you do.”

And water?”

And water…”

And…”

Yes.”

…With eyes completely open
But nervous all the same…